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On Being an Outdoor Writer
 
 
By John Simeone
 
“Today a grammar and spell check can make you Ernest Hemingway, although you might need a little something extra.”
 
  
      I didn't learn to be an outdoor writer by being a school trained journalist, an anal retentive proof reader can see that instantly by “scanning” (they don't know how to read for content) any Uncle John article. I learned the trade as a Police Investigator with mounds of paperwork and deadlines that made all of it miserable. Most Cops hate paperwork due to natural malaise, so most avoid being detectives in the first place. This is especially notable in the South where literary skills in that particular field are not that prevalent. I try very hard never to mention police work in my articles simply because I never really liked it.
 
      If I write about something now, I have to have a good reason or it's just plain fun for me. I have fun hunting and fishing so I write about it for the benefit of others who might be interested. So I have no pressure meeting deadlines or worry about how much money I'm going to make, you don't get rich at this job no matter how good you are. You will find the more you write the less you will be paid, as your editor won't be able to afford you. The privileged outdoor writers that get to do everything were just in the right place at the right time and got sponsored. Sometimes their subject matter expertise is outstanding, other times it is not, the worst is the fact some are just plain boring.
 
      Well there is nothing wrong with being a good writer. But what is good? Is it the grammatical genius that gets every sentence perfect, that type makes the editor happy. Of course, the good old boy in Mississippi won't understand half the words in the column. There is the reporter type, a highly educated individual that doesn't know beans about what they are writing about, so they ask someone else who sounds impressive, but may not know beans either. Remember if your subject has a pedigree such as PHD, Professor, Biologist, Guide or Celebrity they are always right. Well OK, if you say so, until you find the next egg head in the next state that fully disagrees with the first, while making perfect sense. Learn to be an expert yourself and don't rely on others.
 
      Personally, I like the Story teller, mentor types of outdoor writers with a smidgen of technical expertise, but not too much to be boring. In there somewhere there should be the telltale sign of a sense of humor, to be used freely at every opportunity. The anal retentive writer will certainly have a problem with humor, because to them perfection or anything else is not funny. For those that can make a serious study about deer dropping I commend them, however I could not contain myself on the subject without telling a few “S” word jokes for spice, Scatology of course. So with a little charisma you can get away with anything.
 
      Vulgarity will never get you anywhere, and upon saying that, I truly don't trust anyone that doesn't cuss now and then as long as its funny. On the rare occasion I do get a little off color, it is a set up for my strategic humor. Worse is the politically correct outdoor writer, that infuriates me by inserting the hypocritical word “harvest,” being so afraid to say, “I killed a deer.” This is one of the reasons you have to use steel shot on waterfowl and brass bullets in California, “God save the Condors,” Somehow the word harvest associates with farming, and cultivation and I do not wish to hunt a cultivated and tame farmed deer. I never really developed a passion for fertilizer so I hunt wild deer.
 
       Boring writers come in several flavors and varieties, techno-geek gun nuts (I may be guilty of this from time to time), lack luster humorist (talks about farting a lot in Deer camp articles), Christian Outdoor writers that may not save your soul or know anything about hunting, but will certainly annoy the hell out of you. Then we have the Feminist outdoor writer that didn't get a Pink gun for Christmas, or a She Safari outfit, so she becomes the Amazon huntress, no longer with the needs of man until she forgets her tissues in the woods, while mounting the horse of denial.
 
       Above all else be clever, the Uncle John axiom of the successful outdoor writer. This is what makes you popular. This I learned from both Robert Ruark and Ted Nugent, two writers of timeless notoriety but completely unalike in style. Their cleverness makes them interesting, and their popularity is measured by the fact that the readers can't wait to see what they will say next.
      Be controversial when it suits you, have no fear. Getting the Crossbow legalized in Louisiana was the toughest project I ever attempted and won in the legislature. That takes some technical writing along with pure logical discussion. You know your right when you win, no matter how long it takes.
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Unlucky buck: Deer loses head-butt with lawn ornament
  Deer vs. elk statue

Mark Brye, via La Crosse Tribune

A dead buck, foreground, lies about 20 feet from a 640-pound concrete elk statue in the backyard of Mark and Carol Brye’s home in rural Viroqua, Wis.

By Bob Lamb, La Crosse, Wis., Tribune

A love-struck buck ran out of luck a week ago. The seven-point buck was killed when it rammed a 640-pound concrete statue of an elk in the backyard of Mark and Carol Brye's home in rural Viroqua.

Bucks often fight during the breeding season, commonly called the rut. Dominant bucks defend breeding territories and female deer by sparring with subordinate bucks. Antler battles sometimes result in the death of one or both deer, but usually end with the biggest buck winning and the smaller buck high-tailing it out to another area.

Mark Brye, who owns Brye Plumbing in Viroqua, was still laughing about the suicidal buck he found near his elk statue last week.

Brye said his morning ritual is to rise early and look out at the life-like statue about 40 yards from his home.

"Our son and daughter gave it to us for Christmas four years ago because we like to hunt elk," Brye said. "The elk is a nice thing to see every morning. It looks pretty cool, especially on a foggy morning."

Brye said he knew exactly what happened when he saw the statue tipped over. Although they were about the same height, the statue weighed at least three times more than the 180-pound deer.

He didn't realize the buck lay dead a short distance away.

"I could tell the buck poked the statue a couple of times by the chipped paint on it," Brye said, adding that the buck eventually rammed it like a mountain goat.

The buck apparently staggered about 20 feet and fell.

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News in the Dakota’s

Spring Spawn Wrapped Up

Fisheries crews concluded a successful spawning season by surpassing a walleye egg goal that was the largest in more than a decade, and nearly reaching the target established for northern pike.

Jerry Weigel, fisheries production and development section leader for the North Dakota Game and Fish Department, said department staff, along with personnel from the Garrison Dam and Valley City national fish hatcheries, collected 60 million walleye eggs during spring spawning.

“The timing was perfect for spawning walleye in North Dakota,” Weigel said. “The weather was ideal and the fish were healthy.”

Crews collected 33.9 million walleye eggs from Lake Sakakawea over an 8-day period. In addition, 24.4 million came from Devils Lake, and another 1.9 million from Lake Audubon.

“It is interesting to note that the peak of the run was occurring in Lake Sakakawea right when crews were closing down operations because the egg goal had been met,” Weigel said.

While near-record catches occurred on Lake Sakakawea, the higher water level at Devils Lake made netting difficult, resulting in a lower walleye catch at Devils Lake than in recent years.

Warm weather conditions dictated an early pike run, Weigel said, and a quick spawn resulted in an egg take of 14.3 million.

“We had a very short window, making pike egg collections a challenge,” he added. “But staff netted six lakes – the most in one spring – and the above-average egg quality provided more than enough pike eggs to meet hatchery needs.”

Crews collected pike eggs from Alkali/Spiritwood Lake in Stutsman County, Lake Ashtabula in Barnes County, Devils Lake in Ramsey County, Turtle Lake in McLean County, Pfiefle Lake in McIntosh County, and Beaver Bay on Lake Oahe.

With the return of normal water conditions in the Missouri River System, the importance of Beaver Bay was especially noteworthy as it led the state in terms of pike egg take. 

Weigel said plans are to stock approximately 9 million walleye fingerling into nearly 120 waters in mid-June, and 2.5 million pike fingerling into approximately 90 waters during the last two weeks of May.

Remaining Deer Samples Negative for CWD

The remaining 1,000 North Dakota deer samples that were tested for chronic wasting disease and bovine tuberculosis are negative, according to Dr. Dan Grove, wildlife veterinarian for the State Game and Fish Department.

In all, more than 3,000 targeted and hunter-harvested samples from 2009 were sent to a lab in Minnesota. One mule deer taken last fall in unit 3F2 in western Sioux County tested positive for CWD, the first positive sample taken from a North Dakota animal.

Grove said one positive test result is not cause for alarm as the deer population remains healthy. “We’ve had a plan in place because of the presence of CWD outside of the state’s borders,” he added. “It is of high importance, however, that hunters continue to provide heads for testing.”

The deer population in unit 3F2 is above management goals, Grove said, so sampling efforts and hunter pressure will continue to be put on the population in the unit again this fall.

In addition to sampling 3F2, the Game and Fish Department will continue its three-year rotation of the Hunter-Harvested Surveillance program by sampling deer this fall from units in the eastern third of the state. In addition, all moose and elk harvested in the state, regardless of hunting units, are eligible for sampling.

Since the department’s sampling efforts began in 2002, more than 16,000 deer, elk and moose have tested negative for CWD.

CWD affects the nervous system of members of the deer family and is always fatal. Scientists have found no evidence that CWD can be transmitted naturally to humans or livestock.

 

Border Water Fishing Regulations

 

PIERRE, S.D. — The Game, Fish and Parks Department is reminding anglers that fishing regulations on South Dakota’s border waters may vary from statewide fishing regulations.

While special regulations apply to all border waters, prominent fisheries in that category include Big Stone Lake and Lake Traverse on the Minnesota border, the Big Sioux River on the Iowa border, and Lewis and Clark Lake on the Nebraska border. Anglers should refer to the 2010 Fishing Handbook for specific daily, possession, and length limits on all border waters. 

 

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KDWP TO AUCTION POACHERS' EQUIPMENT

 Antlers, bows, radios, cameras for sale June 19; guns on sale Aug. 21

PRATT — On June 19, the Kansas Department of Wildlife and Parks (KDWP) will enter the first of two summer auctions of items forfeited by those convicted of wildlife crime. The June 19 auction will be held at the Blomquist Auction Gallery, 684 E. Kansas Highway 4 in Assaria. KDWP items in this auction will include general items such as antlers, fishing rods, radios, and cameras. This auction will be combined with Kansas Department of Revenue tax forfeiture assets.

United Country Auctions of Salina is conducting the auction, and items are currently available for view and bid online at proxibid.com/asp/Catalog.asp?aid=29039. The second auction will be conducted Aug. 21 at the same physical location, beginning at 10 a.m. This will include guns confiscated in commission of wildlife crime. These items will be available to view and bid at the same location on the internet, as well.

"Proceeds from this auction will come back to KDWP to help protect the natural resources of Kansas," says Kevin Jones, director of KDWP's Law Enforcement Division. "We hope that this process will give law-abiding citizens a chance to make use of this equipment while the agency recoups some of the cost of apprehending and prosecuting poachers."

For more details, phone 785-667-7653 or visit the above website.

 

 
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